the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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