I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
