I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
