why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
