I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
