I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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