Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
