whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
