How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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