dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
