Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
