did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
