I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
