so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
