If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
