I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
