Whod you bang
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just want nice things and good sex
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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