i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They took my balls.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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