those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
