I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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