He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
