Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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