Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
