Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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