I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
