I'm jealous of your bromance
smell my finger.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
