plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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