he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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