i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
