He asked to "fluff my boner.."
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
