Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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