somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
