Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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