I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
