This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
