How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
