respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i will never coherently bang her
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
