your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
