I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
