How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
