my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
