Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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