My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
