He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
