i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
