But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
