The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
