I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
