found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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