oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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