I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
