Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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