What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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