I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
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