i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
