I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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