handjob tips. give me some.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
