Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
