i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
