"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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