the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.