I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.