now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
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Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting