and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
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I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
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Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Everyone says I win the strip club
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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