it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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