I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
