He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
