you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
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I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex