it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
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They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
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also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.