I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The maid of honor just puked.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?