Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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