Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
