a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
