i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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