I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
