This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
