If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
