he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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